Monday, July 21, 2014

Rough Day

I had a hard day yesterday. 

Honestly, it was so much better than it could have been.  I have wonderful friends and funnily enough, my husbands internet gamer friends have been pretty awesome, too.

I lost my wonderful Nana yesterday.

We spent so much time at her house when I was little and I'm the oldest grandkid so I have a billion memories of her. 

She would let me spend the night and eat candy the whole time.  She would get me cocoa puffs for breakfast.

I broke a glass once and she didn't even care at all. 

She would make the best ice cream sundaes and one time when she was putting whip cream on the top, she whip creamed all the way up my arm!

She let us kids play and scream and she never cared how loud we were.  When the Nintendo came out, she let us kids come over and have a Mario party.

Nana let me feed the pigs and climb the plum tree.  Once I really wanted to collect the eggs from the chickens and she gave me huge gloves so I could do it without getting pecked to death.

At Christmas and Thanksgiving and all her other parties, she made a smorgasbord of fabulous food. I want my parties to be like hers.

Her grilled cheese sandwiches will always be my favorite. 

At church, she kept butterscotch candies and mints in her purse for us so we wouldn't be too bored.

She wasn't a big hugger but her sense of humor was the best.  She loved people and having a houseful of kids.  I remember in her huge farmhouse she would have one or two foster kids. It was always loud and happy and homey because of her. 

She always wore dresses.  She was old fashioned like that.

If we fell down and got hurt, she'd give us a popsicle from her huge stash.  She didn't fuss, she was very practical, and distraction is a great tool. :)

She let me feed the cows the old cornstalks and picked raspberries with me for jam making.

Honestly, I think I am the way I am now because of what I learned from her.  Or maybe I inherited it from her.  I love having a houseful of people, just like she did.  I don't care how loud it is, just like her.  If someone breaks a glass, I don't care because I remember how it felt when she didn't make me feel bad when I broke one at her house.

She wasn't very demonstrative and neither am I but we have other ways of showing people we care.

She was my Nana and I loved her absolutely.  It's funny because looking back, I see how she shaped my life without even realizing it.

I found out in the car full of my family and friends.  I was seriously unprepared for the onslaught of emotion.  Instantly.  I never thought she would die.  I mean I know we all do but its not something I considered.  She's Nana!  Indestructible and amazing.  I love her so much.

In my life this is the first time I've had to deal with the loss of a loved one.  I have faith in God and I know she's in Heaven and much happier than she has been in a long time.  So that helps me through this.  Knowing she's okay, not struggling with dementia anymore.  She's free from all that now.
But she's still my nana and I will love her forever anyway.

I've gotten so behind on spoilers and I hope you'll forgive me for that.  I'll get back on it soon, probably Friday after the funeral.


  1. I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. :( Hang in there! It sounds like she was an amazing lady.

    1. Thank you, she really was so much fun. :*)

  2. Wow I'm crying, so much emotion! I don't speak in " she was" Because she is an amazing person and her personality, love, caring and creativity will always live on in you and her loved ones. She looks down from heaven and she's proud, happy & at peace and God will watch over her and her whole family and friends.

    Losing a loved one feels unacceptable We know we must accept, we know it's better for them when they have something like that. But its so hard! It creates a hole inside you and it really needs time to fill it again. And "how" is for every one different.


    1. Thank, Marjolein :) You've described it perfectly. It is hard. I keep randomly thinking about her or something she would have said and I get sad all over again. :*)

  3. Im really sorry for your lost. Please take care. Hope everything will be better soon.

    1. Thank you for your concern, I do appreciate it :*)

  4. Replies
    1. Thanks, lady! It's pretty crappy, I'm not going to lie. I keep telling myself everything's okay but my heart is having a hard time figuring that out. :*)

  5. I'm really sorry to hear of your loss. She sounds like the kind of person we can only hope to be and made everyone's life better just by being in it. Keep your head up because you are blessed to have been loved by someone so wonderful and influential :)

    1. You are so right! I am definitely blessed to have had her as such a huge part of my life for so long. I was the lucky one for sure. Thank you :*)

  6. I´m sorry for your lost, I know is hard to lost somebody. I hope the time and good memories of her will help you with all the sadness...

    1. I do have so many good memories and I am so thankful I have them. Thank you for understanding :*)